by Priya Parker.
Hardback (6.3×9.5 inches). 307 pages. 2026.
Subtitle: The Transformative Power of Conflict
This book is not about battles and campaigns. I guess it falls under the category of self-help, or more likely group-help, as it deals with conflict resolution within a group of people — a club, a non-profit organization, etc. — and posits that such contention is not necessarily a bad thing.
Like a three-act play, conflict goes through three stages: Tear (the rupture or ruptures within a group), Grapple (the skills used to face the issues and one another), and Cleave (post-fight resolution that creates tighter bonds, splits the group, or ends the group). Note that “cleave” has two meanings: to cut apart and to come together.
She calls this becoming an “artful fighter” — which sounds a little pop psychology to me, but I find humans as a whole love labels.
Usually some trigger event brings long-simmering differences to the forefront. You can call it a cause. You can call it an excuse. Whatever triggers the Tear should generate the Grapple that leads to a Cleave.
How to Grapple? You start with “dumb” questions designed to understand the root cause of the conflict. She uses an example of a question: “Pineapple pizza: good or bad?” This allows people to get used to debating “dumb” issues so they can be better prepared to discuss the actual issues.
In some ways, it’s all common sense, but as she does this for a living, group sense may be less common than you’d expect. In any case, if your group is bickering beyond control, a little observational advice from someone who’s seen it all may be just the thing to grapple with the tear for a cleaving resolution. It’s not exactly the subject matter I usually read, but I like to veer off the usual path some times to expand my horizons.
Enjoyed it.
— Reviewed by Russ Lockwood
